It's the most wonderful time of the year, right? We've officially entered the "holiday" season, and we should all be feeling happy and joyful and full of holiday cheer.
But what if you aren't? What if you just can't get into the holiday spirit? Maybe that's new for you this year, or maybe it's been going on for years. Either way, you aren't alone!
There are all sorts of reasons people "lose their joy". Maybe you've lost a loved one and are still full of grief. Maybe you or someone close to you is struggling with an illness - either physical or mental. Maybe you are struggling financially and the holidays just make things harder. Maybe you are stressed - at home, at work or both - and finding it difficult to enjoy the season. Maybe recent and/or current world events have you stressed. Or, maybe there is no concrete reason at all - you just aren't feeling it.
If you've lost your joy, keep reading for some tips to help you get through the holidays. If you haven't lost your joy, I still hope you keep reading to learn how you can support someone in your life who might be struggling.
Disclaimer: This post is based on my experience and views only, and should not be considered professional advice. If you are in crisis or need professional support, please see the references named at the end of this post.
Christmas Is For The Kids
Do you remember how you felt during the holidays when you were a kid? Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I have lots of fond memories of being a kid and waking up Christmas morning to find all the presents under the tree.
As you grow older, it's natural for Christmas to change. Traditions change. Family members are gone. As adults, the holidays become more about getting things done, rather than just enjoying them.
If you are yearning for the holidays of your childhood, consider whether there is a way to recreate that feeling. Maybe it's as simple of watching one of your favorite Christmas movies that you enjoyed as a kid. Or, maybe it's recreating a tradition like baking cookies.
It's Ok To Say No
It feels like the holidays are so busy. There can be so much pressure! Pressure to have the best decorations in the neighborhood. Pressure to make sure your kids have the best gifts. Pressure to attend every holiday party you are invited to.
But how much are you doing during the holidays because it brings you joy, and how much are you doing because you think you have to?
Don't feel like baking this year? Then don't do it!
For years, I made buckeyes every year at Christmas time (if you don't know what Buckeyes are, ask someone from Ohio!). The tradition started when my husband owned a retail store, and I'd make a huge tray of Christmas baked goods - including buckeyes - for him to take into the store as a thank you to his employees for all of their work and the long hours they put in. The buckeyes were super popular, so even after I cut back on making all of the other treats, I kept making the buckeyes.
Last year when it was time to make buckeyes again, I started questioning whether I really wanted to make them. First of all, they are a LOT of work. And second, we really weren't feeling the holiday spirit in our house last year. After a lot of inner struggle, I decided to skip making them. I have to tell you, it kind of felt good. No one had their Christmas ruined because I didn't make buckeyes. And I didn't feel like I was doing something "just to do it". Will I make buckeyes this year? I don't know. Will I make them again? Almost certainly. But just knowing I don't "have to make them" is liberating!
You Are Not Alone
It's tough to not feel full of holiday cheer, when it looks like everyone around you is. But do you want to know a secret? Just because someone looks joyful on the outside, doesn't mean that they are on the inside.
Many years ago, I was struggling with pretty severe panic attacks. If you've had a panic attack, you know how scary and paralyzing they can be. And guess what? NOBODY KNEW I WAS HAVING THEM!
I was clearly going through a really difficult time mentally, but I kept plugging through life like nothing was wrong. I went to work and was productive. I kept up with everything in my day to day life. I put on an act like everything was fine, when it definitely was not.
Here's the thing about struggling. There is no big sign on your forehead that says "I'm struggling". In fact, most people cover up the fact that they are struggling by acting overly happy. There's a quote that you hear quote often that says "People don't fake depression... they fake being okay".
Find The Light (Literally)
Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is real. For many people (me included), the short and gloomy days during winter are a struggle because we just aren't getting enough sunlight. And what's the shortest day of the year? The winter solstice (typically December 21st or 22nd), which happens to fall right in the middle of the holiday season.
So, if you are already struggling, the lack of sunlight during the holiday season is likely not helping.
For years, I lived in places that were cold and dreary from November through at least March. Those were always tough months for me. A few years ago, we were lucky enough to move to South Carolina, whether the weather is much warmer and sunnier all year round. It's been a game changer for me. I'm able to be outside and get sunshine almost every day of the year.
Need some sunlight? How about Christmas at the beach this year!
Not everyone is able (or wants) to live in a warm and sunny place. But if SAD is something you struggle with, you can do things to help no matter where you live. Go outside on a sunny day - even if it's cold and it's only for a few minutes. Invest in a sun lamp. If you are able, plan a vacation to a sunny location to break up the long winter.
Practical Tips For Finding Your Joy
For a lot of reasons, some people are going to struggle during the holidays. There is no magic wand that you can wave to make things better. But, here are some practical tips to help you get through.
Tip #1: Instead of (or in addition to) buying gifts, donate to a charity. Few things give me more joy than helping someone in need. The reality is that most people on our gift giving list already have everything they need. Donating to a charity in their name instead of buying them something, can be a huge source of joy for you and them.
Tip #2: Do something for yourself. What makes you happy? Maybe it's treating yourself to a spa day. Maybe you open that bottle of wine you've been saving for a special occasion. Or maybe you just take a day off from the hustle and bustle and spend it binging t.v.
Tip #3: Just say no if going is too hard. And don't feel like you have to give an excuse. It's ok to not feel up to going to a holiday event or get together.
Tip #4: Don't put pressure on yourself. We all deal with pressure from so many other things, that we don't need to make it worse by putting more pressure on ourselves. It's ok if the outside Christmas lights don't go up this year. It's ok if you don't bake the cookies.
Tip #5: Create new traditions that bring you joy. Turn the holiday into a volunteer day and volunteer at a local charity. Make the holiday a "stay at home day", where you stay in your pajamas all day and watch Christmas movies.
It's Okay To Not Be Okay
Another quote that you hear quite often in the mental health space is "It's okay to not be okay, but it's not okay to stay that way". We all have our ups and downs, and the holidays can definitely magnify the downs for many people.
It's okay to not find joy in the holidays. There is nothing wrong with you.
But, there is a difference between just experiencing a "down" for a short period of time, and spiraling into a dark place that is long term and/or serious.
If you find yourself going to a dark place and don't know how to get out of it. If you have ideas of suicide or hurting yourself in any way. If you ever feel like you are in a mental crisis. PLEASE GET HELP! There are resources out there that can help you. Talk to a therapist. Find a support group. Confide in a friend. I've listed below a few free resources.
NAMI: The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) is an organization that I have been involved with for many years. They have chapters that work in local communities to raise awareness about mental health and support and education to those in need. To find out more or to find a chapter near you, click here. You can also call their helpline M-F from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. ET at 800-950-6264, or text "helpline" to 62640.
The Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Can be reached 24/7. Call or text 988
My wish for all of you this holiday season, is that you find some joy - even if it is just for a moment!
Do you have any tips to help people who are struggling get through the holidays? I'd love to hear what you think! Comment below or e-mail me at tips2livebywriter@gmail.com.
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